i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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