My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
