I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
