I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
