I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
