halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Found your dick twin last night
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
