OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
