well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
