I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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