I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
