I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
