omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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