Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina