Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(575): View more from New Mexico

You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.

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(334): View more from Alabama

It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!

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(217): View more from Illinois

Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

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(925): View more from California

The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!

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(541): View more from Oregon

If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.

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