God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance