When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings