he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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