I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
