The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
