there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
