i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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