I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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