Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
