Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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