Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
