At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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