I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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