Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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