You're so nebulous sometimes
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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