walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
