I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
