That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
