He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
