Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize