We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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