I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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