i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
