Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
