I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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