i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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