My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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