At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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