I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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