Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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