The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
