TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
