NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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