got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
