hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
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No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
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Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.