capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am available for nakedness
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring