I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce