Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green