theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.