i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My dick has a subreddit
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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