speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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