I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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