its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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