just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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