I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
