i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
