oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
