I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I just sharted jello shots
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
