I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
