My nipple is on Facebook.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
