the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
