Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
