I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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