I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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