i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
