Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Blow job season was short but glorious.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
