Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
